Communication is one major key to success, both with others and most importantly with yourself. Two very simple words that are really hurting you and you probably do not even realize it are the words “but” and “try”. These two words can be very toxic to both you and your relationships with others and need to be removed from your vocabulary. They are limiting your potential of being truly successful in what you do.
With the word “try” I’m sure you’ve heard it time and time again. Even Yoda reminded us “Do or do not, there is no try” Did you really take the time to think about it though?
By telling yourself or someone else that you will “try”, you are only giving them or yourself and excuse for not doing it. It sets up failure before your first attempt. Before you even attempt what you set out to do, you have told yourself and them that it is OK if it does not get done, because you were only going to try. Try does not denote completion or success, only an uncompleted attempt.
Another reason people use the word try with others, is that in today’s world of political correctness many of us are so worried about hurting someone’s feelings that we might tell them we will try to be there, try to show up, try and make it…
In reality, most of the time you probably never intended on going in the first place. An excuse is giving only to save someone’s feelings. Would it not be better to be honest with someone and just tell them straight up that you can not make it, you have other plans, it is not something you are interested in… You do not have to be rude about it and I’m sure in the long run more people will respect you for being honest. Be honest and straight up.
By using the word try in your vocabulary, in all reality you are not being honest with yourself or others, more than likely whatever you say you will try to do will not happen. It is much better to tell yourself, I am going to do it or I am not going to do it. Because the other thing that can come into play is that when you tell yourself you are going to try and do something and you do not, you very well may begin to waste a lot of time thinking about not having done it. This wasted time often accumulates so much that you would have spent less time doing it and getting it done, than saying you would try and do it and did not.
Stop wasting your precious time. Make an honest decision. Be truthful with yourself and others. Do what you say you are going to do. Do not do those things you do not want to do or can not do. No one whoever was successful ever used the word “try”.
Now we move on to the word “But”. This can be one of the most negative words in the English language. It is one of those words that is hurting you and others without even realizing it.
I had heard it many times, “there’s a but coming isn’t there?”
Did you every really think about it. Anything that precedes the word “but” is negated, it means the exact opposite of whatever you say.
“I really like this, but…” “I would really like to help you, but…” ” I would like to go, but…”
What you are really saying is, I do not like it, I do not want to help, and I do not want to go. This comes across to them directly and also impacts yourself subconsciously. Again we are back to unclear and indirect communication, which only confuses ourselves and others.
Let us look at the first example. “I really like this, but I am wondering why you chose it.” Take a second and replace the “but” with “and”. “I really like this, and I am wondering why you chose it.” Does the sentence have all new impact to you?
In our second example, “I would really like to help you, but I am too busy.” What if we do something like this: “I would really like to help you, and I am wondering if there is another way I can help you, because I do not have the time” This not only relays honesty, it also opens up the brain for new alternatives, new ways to possibly solve the problem.
For the third example, simply forget the “but” all together. Be honest with the person. “I have a previous engagement.” “I am too busy.” or “It is not my cup of tea.” At least you are being honest and you can always follow up with “Can we get together another time?”
Your communication becomes more affirmative, more honest, and ultimately more positive, if only you remove these two words from your own vocabulary. Naturally, this makes sense. This will improve your relationship with others and yourself. You will also spend a lot less time beating around the bush, making excuses, and being unclear or indirect with what you really have to say.
Stop using these words today.
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